I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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