I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
God I need to hump something, right now.
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