I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
