if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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