Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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