as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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