Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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