I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Even my vagina gasped.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
