Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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