Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Randomize
