Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
