Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
