PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Randomize
