Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Randomize
