Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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