I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
