if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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