Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
