Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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