the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
