The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
