im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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