i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
