So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
