he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
