I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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