I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
