You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
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