I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Randomize
