when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
