I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
