I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
