So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
