What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
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