Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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