Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
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do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
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