Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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