She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I just threw up on my dentist
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
