I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
