when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
