Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Randomize
