We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
