He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
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