toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
