A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
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