matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
