I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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