i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Im just a social blackout drinker.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
