i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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