I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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