I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Randomize
