You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
