I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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