You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
