so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
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he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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