they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
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