if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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