I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize