Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
