Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.