We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I'm just crazy horny about you
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.