Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.