My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
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One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
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The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic