NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
