My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
The struggles of a small town man whore
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
